How to Deal With Rejection and Naysayers
Guest post by Colin VanderMeulen
Everyone has to deal with rejection and naysayers in their lives, but few could argue that they have as much as writers do. As a writer, you are constantly submitting your work for review and publication. Almost everything you do is being evaluated in some way.
So what’s the best way to deal with rejection? And how do you handle when someone who means a lot to you, or even a stranger, is telling you to give up trying to be a successful writer?
Well, let’s start by dealing with those naysayers first.
Naysayers
Naysayers are the people in your life who tell you to give up your dreams of writing.
These naysayers generally fall into one of three groups:
1. People who don’t want you to succeed because it will make them look bad. If you become successful, it will become more obvious that these people have done very little to pursue their own dreams.
2. People who are scared of losing you if you become successful. Likely, they are afraid that things will change in your relationship with them if you succeed, that you may leave them behind or not have as much time for them. Conversely, they are people who depend on you and worry they will have to find someone else to fill their needs. These are usually people who care about you, but they are also most often very selfish—their desire to keep you is stronger than their desire to see you achieve your goals.
3. People who are genuinely trying to protect you. These people don’t want to see you get hurt. They believe that by encouraging you to give up now, they will be saving you from the pain of failure in the future.
It’s important to determine which group your particular naysayer is in.
If it’s group number one, try to ignore them, because you know that deep down inside, that person is simply jealous of you. Don’t let something as petty as their jealousy hold you back from your aspirations.
If it is group number two, there are two ways you can deal with them. You could sit down with them and convince them that they will not lose you if you become successful. Or perhaps you may decide that you don’t really want somebody that selfish in your life anymore. Either way, press on with your achievements. If they truly appreciate you, they will understand how important your dreams are to you and instead try to encourage you, as you would them.
If it is group number three, you can be thankful that you have somebody in your life who doesn’t want to see you get hurt. However, you do need to sit down with this person and explain to them that it would hurt you just as much to give up on your dreams. Ask them politely to either support you or not say anything at all. If these people truly care about you, they will respect your wishes.
Rejection
Dealing with rejection is something you will likely have to face more than once if you’re a writer. But how do you deal with this rejection so that it doesn’t get you down or compel you to quit doing what you love and abandon your dream?
First, don’t take it personally. Remember that you can’t please everyone. Not everyone is going to like your writing style, or what you write about. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t be a successful writer, or that your writing is not good. It just means that you haven’t found the right audience for your writing yet. Submitting your work to agents and editors is a very subjective business. Although there are general guidelines for marketability, personal taste is not absent from the expert’s job. Keep looking!
Second, learn and improve from it. If you’re finding that your writing is being rejected for the same reasons over and over again, you’ve just found an opportunity to improve yourself. Don’t look at the rejection as something negative; instead, look at it as an opportunity to improve. Negative feedback can be a valuable way to become better at what you do. Constructive feedback is even better. The difficult part will be to put aside your pride and get to reworking.
Don’t let rejection stop you from pursuing your dreams. If you really want to become a successful writer, you can. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
About The Author – Colin VanderMeulen is the founder and author of the blog Practical Self Help, where you can learn how to empower yourself in order to live the life you dream of.
As a copyeditor, I hear a lot from writers who are frustrated because of rejection or discouragement from family and friends and even strangers.
On a practical level, together we rework their query letters and of course their manuscripts, but from an emotional point of view, a good deal of my job requires me to be encouraging and helpful in aiding aspiring writers to continue with their dream—and I want to do this!
If you love to write and if you want nothing more than to be published, push past the negativity that can put a stopper to your passion. Surround yourself instead with those who appreciate what you do and feel and who want to see you successful in your endeavour, especially other writers. Not only is that inspiring for you, but you owe it to yourself. Don’t let others prevent you from sharing what you have to offer. You can get published. But you may well change someone’s life in inspiring them to write, too!
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Steph, great advice. Especially the last bit.
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